It Cometh from the Pit, and It Hath a Knout II

Once upon a time there was a fairy kingdom that lived inside a place called The Beltway, and was surrounded on all four sides by a land called America. The Beltway was aligned with another kingdom called Manhattan, inhabited by disembodied heads that spoke from the walls of bars, and with yet another closed kingdom called Hollywood, the abode of half-educated narcissists. These kingdoms were in eternal political syzygy, and spoke not with the people of the surrounding lands, of whom they knew nothing. The following is a chronicle of what befell them, and why.

After years of peace, the Kingdoms were taken greatly aback by the rise of the Trump Monster, their surprise being proof that they knew nothing of the surrounding lands. They knew nothing for good reasons, of which there were two. The first was that they passed their lives with each other and among each other and talking to each other and writing about each other and reading about each other behind the high walls of their kingdoms. In organs like National Review and The Weekly Standard they endlessly wrote stories of the form “A soothsayer in Manhattan replies to what some other sayer of sooths said about yet another’s attack on someone else.”

They had all dwelt in monasteries called Harvard and Princeton, where they learned that they were the wisest of men, and inerrant. They had no idea that they were hated in the strange lands without the walls, which on their maps were drawn as fog with notations such as “Here dwelleth dragons.” They did not know that there were people who agreed not with them. For were they not right about all things?

The other reason for their puzzlement was a powerful spell called “Political Correctness.” This strong magic prevented the outlanders from saying anything that the Three Kingdoms did not want to hear. Anyone who engaged  in incantations called “slurs,” which were truthful thoughts about sacred tribes, or who said Inappropriate Things about a certain little country whose only importance was being that little country, was thrown into durance vile. Thus the Three Kingdoms never heard anything they didn’t like, and so believed that almost everyone without the walls loved them. They had scarce an idea what furies were roiling and boiling and stirring under the surface of the Outer Realms.

Now, until the Trump Monster appeared, America was ruled by a pseudo-democracy of one bicephalous party with two names. The Only Party consisted of blackguards and Quislings and pickpockets bought and paid for by the plutocratic oligarchy of large corporations, AIPAC, and the. very rich. These told the two halves of the One Party what to do. Every four years there was played a great tournament in which candidates of the Two Names of the One Party engaged in the most savage combat imaginable. This was to distract the people outside the walls. Afterwards nothing changed and all went on as before, though the division of the spoils shifted a bit.

And in their ignorance and pride the Three Kingdoms engendered a monster called Trump, and it bit them.

The Only Party had always controlled the villeins because it controlled the choice of pretenders to the throne. A pretender gained the Presidency by buying it, and the rich who provided that money controlled as vassals those who accepted it. The pretenders were as straw and melons sold in a market.

Furthermore, the scribes and oracles of the Kingdoms said aloud only those things that were meet for the surrounding peasantry to hear. The puissant spell of Political Correctness amounted to a societal mute button and prevented the Holy Orders within the Three Kingdoms from noticing what stirred without.

Until the Trump Monster came raging, slouching toward Bethlehem, with which the Kingdoms confused themselves.

And there was afright and desperation and rending of teeth and gnashing of hair for many were the rice bowls threatened.

The darkest of horrors was that the serfs might come to choose the manner of their government. For long years the Bicephalous Party had presided over that most desirable form of democracy in which the people had no power. This laudable state they had maintained by never talking about anything of substance, such as unending wars in remote lands beyond the edges of the maps, or the importation of slaves from curious and unwholesome countries or the manufacture of all things by foreign dwarves.

A great broil ensued. The people saw for the first time a chance to manage their destinies and rose up for the Trump Monster. Inside the Beltway, the Wise and Good–for did they not so denominate themselves?–were greatly astonished. “What manner of wight can this be?” they asked in wonder. They said that the Trump Monster was beguiling fools, the cracked, and those who represented the worst in America. And the scribes and oracles were sore afraid, for most of the outlying populace appeared to belong to these tribes.

One of the Two Names of the One Party, the Democrats, sent forth a dreadful creature called Hillary to fight in single combat with the Trump Monster. Her very visage turned men to stone, it was said. She was held to be of one blood with Boadicea, Jeanne d’Arc, Lucretia Borgia, and Bonnie Parker.

The Three Kingdoms were at one with her, as she was corrupt, mendacious, criminal, and ugly, as well as suffering coughing fits and dizzy spells. Surely, said the scribes and oracles, any monster must fly screaming from her mere presence.

Yet it seemed that the Trump was no common monster. Every time he was beset by the scribes and oracles of the Beltway, he grew stronger, and a sulfurous smoke breathed from his mouth. With drawn swords the Trump Monster and the crumbling ruin yclept Hillary circled each other.

And beyond the parapets and crenelations of the Three Kingdoms the sky grew darker. Inside the Beltway and in Manhattan, the disembodied heads railed and raged, but with every blast the helots joined the Trump Monster in larger numbers, for they hated the Insiders. In Hollywood the Half-Educated Narcissists said ever stupider things, but these had not their usual effect.

In their pride the Three Kingdoms had engendered Nemesis, and they watched in terror behind the ramparts as the sky grew darker and strange shapes twisted in the looming clouds and the Trump Monster strode ever nearer, breathing fire.

This reposted from before Trump’s victory as being of current relevance.

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Comments 28

  • Splendid satire in the spirit of St. George and the Dragonet. Well done, sire!

  • Let’s make this short…

    After 4 years of Dementia Joey, if you don’t vote for Trump in Nov., we are DONE.

    • The country I was born into is probably done for anyway, but what the hell, might as well vote one more time and see what happens.

  • Very relevant. Now comes Trump II, An Eye for and Eye.

    But this time the dwellers of Beltway have created a new empire,The Pretendom. and are more than ready. All weapons are sharpened. The ramparts of Beltway are prepared with hot oil, large stones, spears and arrows. The Judges and the sheriffs are bought. Even the jesters and screamers of news are bought. Inside the walls are vast riches, sex orgies of all kinds, wizards of pretend science and reinforcements from the Global Goliath.

    Trump rides at the head of a band of patriots. Liberty of death. Unleash the force. Those who ride with him will have dinner; those who sleeps will be dinner.

  • LOL….. brother. These are very dark times, you make them lighter, which I’m sure Mark Twain would approve of. Sempet Fi

  • Semper….. Fred my eyes at this stage are about like yours

  • Once upon a time, circa 1090, in old England, a group of homeless unruly youth clustered about the shallow waters of a stream, whose depth was shallow enough for oxen to ford the water. They proclaimed their homeless encampment the Magic Kingdom of Oxnaforda, a Middle English name to honor the oxen. In modern English, this survives as “Oxford.” These lads, very indolent and despising work lounged about drinking, partying and enjoying the good life, until a few of them would sneak off to read a rare book. Soon, many others joined in, discussing those books. Few of them could read or afford pre-published books, so the partiers mostly read and discussed them. The encampment grew, as a homeless lifestyle was vastly of more interest to these youth than the harsh lifestyle of constant work back home. But, these youth were Caucasian, who seem to uniquely suffer from a disease called Guilt, so they justified their unstructured homeless lifestyle as “Liberal Arts Studies.” They started segregating into groups from different geographical areas of England, being more comfortable with natives of their own areas, which survives today as the 39 colleges (social networks) of Oxford. The lazy indolent life was a welcome respite from work, so when the more enterprising students, started talking about sciences, engineering, and other subjects that smacked of work, they crossed a Rubicon in that homeless camp. A strong righteous moral defense of the homeless lifestyle arose, condemning these snobbish “work-minded” intruders who thought themselves above everyone else. The Liberal Arts band soon starting asserting that everyone is equal, except these snobbish achievers, who are evil and should be punished. Thus, was born England’s first college and the philosophy that we are all victims and equal, except for achievers, who should be punished for their evil ways.

  • One minor detail – Hilary did win the popular vote, the Trump monster only got in because of the oddities of the US electoral system.

  • Great story and even better explanation of current politics. Long live the monster!

  • Brilliant! Incidentally, “syzygy” should probably instead be “synergy”.

  • This is the 1st time I see the word “hated” of those individuals. The word fits. If the liberal, wealthy and those self-appointed misfits in Hollrock really believe they are immune when commeth the fall, then they are deluded.

  • […] It Cometh from the Pit, and It Hath a Knout II, by Fred Reed […]

  • Wonderful story, easy to read and provides a sad laugh from recognizing the truth.

  • Nice writing, but I think that, unfortunately, portraying Trump as a monstrously dangerous outsider is wishful thinking. He may be better than the alternatives—a low, low bar—but he is neither that monstrous nor that much of an outsider.

    As Vladimir Putin said, sparingly but accurately, America is living through dark times.

    • Russia, too, is living through dark times. They started in 1917 and have never ended. Sad Vlad, and those around him, are still communist tot their core, and nothing will change with those idiots at the center of power.

  • Excellent Fred and a box car load of Truth. I could not say it better than the cartoonist Ben Garrison:

    “Donald Trump is the only man who can save America. He’s far from perfect—no human is, but at this point there is no other viable candidate capable of turning things around.”

    May God go with Donald Trump to protect him and his family. AMEN!


  • No point in voting, I simply drink wine…

  • You sure that’s just a story Uncle Fred?

  • Hey Fred, How about a sequel to this story!?

  • What we should all be thinking about it is this: if the Trumpmonster wins the election in November, but not by a solid majority, perhaps losing the popular vote (as in 2016), perhaps in a way that the Left does not accept as legitimate (winning in states that have required only live people, with ID, who show up at the ballot box on election day, to vote) … what will the Swamp Dwellers in DC and their clones elsewhere do?

    If Trump has credibly promised a purge of the higher ranks of the government apparatus, he will have a formidible set of powerful opponents against him.

    So … what should we be doing now, to prepare to — I hate to put it so dramatically — defend the Republic?

  • I know that I am late in writing this but I want to make a prediction for the election of 2024 that I don’t think most people here have thought of. As I write this, it looks like Donald Trump will once again win the Republican nomination ticket for presidency and will run against Joe Biden.

    I believe that a week before Election Day, Donald Trump will rally his MAGA supporters to “protect” the numerous voting sites scattered around the nation to ensure that election “fraud” does not occur. Maybe a few of his allies such as Ron DeSantis and Marjorie Taylor Greene will blithely go along with this foolish idea.

    The Democrats, in turn, will deploy BLM and Antifa militias to “protect” any voting sites that the MAGA groupies show up at. However, if any electoral votes are found in favor of Trump, the Democrats will then be able to “find” evidence showing that Trump himself committed massive electoral fraud through the use of his mob supporters – that armed militias intimated black voters and any other perspective groups who would have voted for Biden from going near the voting sites. The mainstream media will run with this story, the electoral votes will be invalidated, there will be a recount, and Biden will win a second term.

    Trump might not go to jail but he will be humiliated and made into a bigger scapegoat (think of Snowball in Animal Farm). If this happens, then that MAGA militias will have no one to blame but themselves for thinking that they can win by force.

    November is still 7 months away. By then, I will be checking back if I am wrong. If I am right, you can purchase for me a week’s ticket to vacation in Disney-World.

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