The Buoyancy of ¨Psychopaths and the Genesis of the Great Asian War

On the eve of the Great Asian War against China, In a rousing speech Biden assured the American people that the war was necessary because China was the most dangerous country in Latin America and didn’t have American values. The Wall Street Journal pointed out that the US had the most advanced, lethal, best trained, hypergalactic and indomitable military the world had ever seen and the fact that it could not defeat annoyed goat herds with rifles had no bearing on the matter since the Chinese didn’t have goats.

Washington was astonished when the Russian fleet showed up in support of China. It hadn’t thought of this. Nor had it occurred to anyone in the Federal Bubble that if America fired on a Russian ship, America would be in a war with Russia. Not a proxy war. Not a regional war. Not a limited war. A war. Everywhere.

This didn’t worry anyone because Washington knew that America had the best trained, best armed, most advanced and hyper-galactic military in the universe. All recent military history supported this understanding, unless you read it, which nobody did. Further, the New York Times demonstrated that the Russians, then occupying Kiev, were badly trained, poorly equipped, suffered from poor morale, and wanted to overthrow their government and divide Russia into five countries under Washington’s control. The Times was famously independnet of government, so no further investigation was thought necessary.

, Washington had also forgotten Iran. Unfortunately for those in the Potomac Bubbylon, the Iranians, no fools, knew that Washington lacked the manpower, training, munitions, public support,  and industrial base, to fight two major wars at once, and probably even one. The mullahs of course had huge stockpiles of missiles and an army not rotted by lgbt, affirmative action, lack of readiness, and impossibly inadequate logistics. So when the IRGC, Syria, Iraq, and all the militias that wanted the US out of the middle east attacked  American bases in the region, Washington was sore amazed.

Congress as it turned out had forgotten that Russia had a large, combat hardened, experienced, well-trained and well-supplied army in, who would have thought it, Europe, along with a functioning military industrial base, massive artillery and air support. This Russia was also aware of the inadequacies of the American hypergalactic indomitable social-engineering aquarium that the military had become.  Russia also had actual combat experience with hypersonics which America didn’t have, either the missiles or the experience,  and Europe didn’t have tanks or ammunition because it had sent them all to the Ukraine where the Russians had blown them up.

Another revelation  was that China wasn’t a backward sort of enlarged Guatemala where people manufactured pencils and maybe washing machines under European supervision. Nobody had thought of this. Part of the reason was that the House committee on China had no member who read, wrote, or spoke Chinese but this was not thought important, or thought of, because America was a democracy and thinking had nothing to do with it. It seemed China had a great many engineers of high quality who had spent decades readying China specifically to defeat America in China’s home waters. Simple arithmetic, apparently beyond Congress,none of whose members could calculate a binomial square,  suggested that China could build, say, a thousand advanced satellite guided, maneuvering hypersonic antiship missiles, while Washington had at most ten aircraft carriers. A hundred swarm-launched  missiles per carrier weren’t important, though. Why not wasn’t clear.

The Navy responded, saying that it was hypergalactic and would defend itself with high-powered lasers that it didn’t have but might get sometime in a few decades but Lockheed-Martin needed more money to fund this existential etc.

A few in Washington were unsettled when North Korea, seeing a chance to unify the peninsula while Washington was occupied with several major wars, none of which it could win, launched a massive attack southward. Washington didn’t care if a couple of millions of Koreans died, but the South was home to advanced semiconductor fabs, Samsung and SK Hynix. To thwart this threat Washington had to send troops it didn’t have and who in any event weren’t combat-ready by means of logistics that didn’t exist. And of course the North could nuke Seoul and the 28,000 American troops if what’s-his-lunacy had a brain spasm, and could probably nuke Japan.

By this time Washington had begun bombing the Chinese mainland in the assumption that the usual rules held: America could bomb anybody but nobody could bomb America, which just wouldn’t  be fair. and all. When a half-dozen sub-launched, satellite-guided cruse missiles, the kind Russia and China have, hit the Pentagon and killed eighty percent of those within, the assumption of invincibility underwent revision. A committee was appointed. Other missiles hitting the New World Trade Center and coastal cities in California seemed worrisome, as both states voted Democrat.  It was noted that the Capitol and white House were a short bicycle ride from the Pentagon.

When American forces operating out of Japan began attacking China, this put the Japanese at war with Beijing. Chinese and perhaps Russian submarines began  burning tankers moving oil from the Gulf to Japan, which didn’t have any. At all. Washington didn’t worry about this because it knew that China would collapse in a few weeks, like the Russians in Ukraine,  because of American technology and hypergalactic training and the hissy-fits of its gender-fluid forces. When this didn’t happen, Japan used up its strategic reserves and came to a complete

stop.

At first it was thought that the Navy could send destroyers to convoy tankers to Japan, Then it discovered that it didn’t have any to spare because China had a bigger navy and Washington needed all if could find around Taiwan. Fortunately this turned out not to be necessary because the Yemenis and Iranians had destroyed the oil facilities around the Gulf, making protecting tankers unnecessary.

When China failed to collapse Washington didn’t know what to do because it hadn’t thought of this and didn’t have a plan B or exit strategy  because it was ruled by, if not always doddering dotards, at least those who thought the year was still 1955 and an aircraft carrier could frighten everybody.

Washington decided to block the Strait of Malacca because China would have to surrender. In desperation the Chinese, for whom the war was a matter of national survival, nuked a carrier, or maybe three, I don’t remember  All the hobby hawks and dingalings, as many called them, were greatly amazed because they been told since birth that use of nuclear weapons would mean catastrophic atomic war and the end of civilization, thought to be a bad thing.

This didn’t make sense, but we are talking about foreign policy. The President was still in the White House. Obviously,Those who knew the city reasoned that if the rats weren’t leaving the ship, it wasn’t sinking. if Washington launched nuclear missiles against China, Chinese nuclear missiles would arrive forty-five minutes later and all the hawks in Washington would become clots of feathers in bubbling pools of fat.  This appealed to the populace but not those in power.

Further,, did it make sense to commit national suicide over one silly aircraft carrier? The arms industry could build another one.  The upshot was that both countries were willing to use nuclear weapons against the other’s forces but not against their homelands. It turned out that  Washington had more extra-homelandical, or maybe homelandish, forces than did China.

The rest is well known. There is no reason to recount the deaths of hundreds of millions because of the collapse of world manufacturing and shipping. No one had thought of that.

 

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Comments 18

  • As Johnny Carson used to say, “I thought it was fucking brilliant!”.

  • I donno. When the Chinese attacked Pearl Harbor, we kicked their ass. Was it Ned Almond who told our forces in Korea…”Don’t let a bunch of Chinese laundrymen stop you.”?

  • Love your over the top writing. Sadly, you may be spot on this time.
    Oh well, we raise goats so we should be OK. 😂

  • Great work of fiction, Fred, at least partial fiction.

    Washington was astonished when the Russian fleet showed up in support of China. It hadn’t thought of this. Because Russia had its hands full dealing with the Ukraine.

    Washington had also forgotten Iran. This was because Iran could be overrun by a couple American Divisions and the government heads taken into custody.

    Congress as it turned out had forgotten that Russia had a large, combat hardened, experienced, well-trained and well-supplied army in, who would have thought it, Europe, along with a functioning military industrial base, massive artillery and air support. Their excellent supply situation was demonstrated when the Russian military acquired a bunch of ammunition from North Korea which did not work. In any case they had a solid history of being unable to defeat a bunch of annoyed goat herders armed with rifles.

    And of course the North could nuke Seoul and the 28,000 American troops if what’s-his-lunacy had a brain spasm, and could probably nuke Japan. Which would likely result in North Korea ceasing to exist.

    When a half-dozen sub-launched, satellite-guided cruse missiles, the kind Russia and China have, hit the Pentagon and killed eighty percent of those within, the assumption of invincibility underwent revision. This resulting in a massive retaliation crippling Red China’s military capability.

    Chinese and perhaps Russian submarines began burning tankers moving oil from the Gulf to Japan, which didn’t have any. Which immediately stopped happening once the tankers got escorts which sunk the subs.

    This didn’t make sense, but we are talking about foreign policy. The President was still in the White House. Obviously,Those who knew the city reasoned that if the rats weren’t leaving the ship, it wasn’t sinking. Or the Chinese security forces were making sure no one went anywhere.

    Washington decided to block the Strait of Malacca because China would have to surrender. In desperation the Chinese, for whom the war was a matter of national survival, nuked a carrier, or maybe three, I don’t remember. I do remember Red China being obliterated by nuke in retaliation.

    Maybe you are right, Fred, the USA will not retaliate with Nukes in response to a nuclear strike.
    Maybe Red China is not sure either.

  • Iran is a regional power…they can’t project force very far aside from supporting terrorism.

    If Russia didn’t have nuclear weapons they would be a THIRD world military in a country with an economy smaller than Italy. They can’t project force very far. And their military is made up mostly of conscripted alcohol dependent people.

    If Russia was militarily competent they would have defeated and occupied Ukraine within a month. They couldn’t even conquer a small country right on their border. The reason Putin talks about using nukes is because that is ALL HE HAS. Russia is only a one dimensional threat. If they follow through on that threat the world ends. Putin knows this. Ukraine can’t defeat Russia but it appears Russia can’t conquer Ukraine. So we end up with a very bloody stalemate.

    The problem is China. They DO have a capable military that is lacking only one thing. Experience.
    They are the wild card. But I doubt they resort to military force. They don’t need to. They are achieving their goals without using military force. They OWN most of the members of the AMERICAN Communist Party formerly the Dems. You don’t blow up what you would prefer to own. The CCP wants to eradicate the American people. Not America itself. They want to move in and take possession of our country. So they are working to destroy our society. And they are succeeding.

  • I’m not worried. Any war with China will be conducted with all the skill of our withdrawal from Afghanistan. Or Hunter’s withdrawal from his last hooker. With video on TikTok, and that’s news we can trust.

  • If the U.S. entered a war with China, our government would be faced with the daunting task of finding it on a map. Not going to happen — it’s too much of a challenge for anyone under 50. They might have to pull a Baby Boomer out of retirement, to help them with that. Otherwise, they might have to bomb random American cities until they run out of guesses.

  • At first, I wondered if you had read Catch 22 but now I wonder if you actually wrote it.

  • Like the mighty Samson, “the American hypergalactic indomitable social-engineering aquarium” is lulled into complacency by remembering past victories won by a different citizenship, in a bygone era when the US could out-manufacture its opponents.

    Judges 16:20-21:

    20 Then [Delilah] called, “Samson, the Philistines are upon you!”

    He awoke from his sleep and thought, “I’ll go out as before and shake myself free.” But he did not know that the Lord had left him.

    21 Then the Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down . . . .

  • I didn’t watch the SOTU speech, but I did watch some clips from it. At one point Biden made some comment about what we were going to do to “win” in Ukraine and the camera panned to a bunch of white clad ladies leaping to their feet and cheering. I felt like I was looking at our certain doom.

    We are in the hands of people who have not the faintest idea of reality.

  • Sad, well said but SAD

    One point you missed is how India 🇮🇳 will play into this Scenario

    Peace Health and prosperity Through personal responsibilities

  • How does the TrumpMonster fit into all this, assuming he becomes Godzilla-in-DC before the next World War?

    Let’s assume we do have some sort of catastrophic encounter with China/Russia/Iran/North Korea/Yemen (Yemen? Is that a one-character typo?) … what might the consequences be for the US, on the ground? In your neighborhood?

    And what should we be doing NOW, to mitigate those consequences? (Besides stocking up on tinned beans and 5.56mm ammo and writing comments on Fred’s site.)

  • Fred: as always, your satire is all too plausible.

  • First, Creepy Uncle Joe would never declare war on his financial benefactor, and good buddy Xi.

    Second, launching a cruise missile at the Pentagon would be the DUMBEST strategic move the Chinese could possible make. They would instantly solve 99.999% of what is wrong with the US Military.

  • Good thing Joe built that Indian Ocean High Speed Rail for logistics.
    The 69th Rump Rangers have their rainbow panties on and they are ready to kick some ass.
    The LCS (Lil’ Crappy Ship) and F-35 Wunderwaffen guarantee 1000 years of glorious victories and we have Sun von Douchenozzle and Sally Suckemsilly at the helm.
    The Yellow Man is trembling in fear of the steaming fourth world turd FUSA.
    We have always been at WAR with Eurasia.
    What could burn it all down better than losing a major WAR and then activating the Trojan Horse replacements.
    Destroyed from within by quisling traitors as all great nations are.
    This just in from Karen of the faculty lounge-Purge the deplorable kulak untermenschen scum after a good Struggle Session
    Forward! Yes we can.

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